Welcome to my mind. It is a confusing place in here. You will probably find love, happiness, anger, frustration, confusion, and most assuredly, incoherent thoughts. Don't expect a new post every day. I am not a "super blogger". I have things to do, not that there is a list or a plan for those things to get done! Mainly I just "fly by the seat of my pants".

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I have many roles in life, like everyone else. I'm a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, cook, maid, meal planner, pet owner, "taxi" driver, and etc, etc, etc.

Welcome! I hope you have a good read!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

I Hate Birthday Parties!

I hate children's birthday parties! I abhor them! I loathe them! Now before I start getting hate mail, let me tell you why I feel this way.

Children's birthday parties have gotten WAY out of hand! Growing up, the only kind of birthday celebration we knew was having cake, ice cream, and a few presents with our family. Seldom, we were allowed a few friends in attendance, or maybe a sleepover with one or two friends. Back in my day, there was no such thing as a goodie bag. We did not have huge extravaganzas. It was simple, and fun and at home.

Today, there is an expectation of a huge, expensive blowout. Hardly any families hold birthday parties at home anymore. Now we are crammed into a tiny room at a skating rink for exactly 30 minutes. The 16 year old "attendant" serves up cake and pizza that is too gross to consume, delivers your bill in front of all your guests, and helps you move your stuff out of the room when you time is up. Birthday groups are herded in and out with barely time to wipe the tables in between. MOOO! Get along little doggies, we are rustling up another party in here! Happy birthday, now get out! And it is really expensive to suffer being "herded" about like this. Yea, sign me up! Doesn't sound fun!

Option number 2: Chuck E. Cheese. Need I really say more on this option? The same unedible, and ulcer inducing pizza and cake. Noise levels of video games, screaming kids, and the ever popular Chuck E. Cheese band that render you deaf for two days after. A smelly employee in a smelly rat costume to frighten you kids. Kids running amuck with little to no supervision. Also, a torturous and money sucking, misreable time!

Goodie bags: If my child is invited to your birthday party, cake and your company is his reward. Please do not feel you have to bribe us to attend with a bag full of cheap, crappy toys that will end up in the landfill. It is a waste of your money and a waste of my time spent throwing it away. All moms feel this way, but most moms keep buying it and filling those bags. Why? Please just stop it!

There are actually people and companies who have taken birthday parties up to an even more obnoxious step. You can actually register what your child wants for presents at Toys R Us!!! Ok, what? If you sent me an invitation with this registry crap on it, we will not attend the party. This is the height of materialism, ultraconsumerism, selfishness, and snobbery. Personally, I always request for people NOT to bring gifts for my son's birthday. Why? Am I crazy? No, I am quite level-headed about it. We buy gifts for him, he does not need more. Please just come eat cake and enjoy the day!

Ok-it takes, maybe $5 and very little brain power to make an edible, homemade birthday cake. Kids think it takes a lot of work, so impress your kids and make a cake. Nobody likes that $30 cake you bought at the grocery store. I don't care if it does have the Little Mermaid on top of a sea shell holding a plastic pearl. If you make the cake yourself and let the kids help ice and decorate it-they will remember that.

A word about pinatas: Ok, pinatas CAN be fun. A pinata should be done outside. One child at a time, a couple of hits each until the pinata is broken. Once it is broken, give the kids an EMPTY goodie bag to fill. ALL children not holding the stick should be lined up and kept there until it is his/her turn. Children should not be blindfolded-what are you, stupid or something? If you have a pinata at a party and someone gets flogged in the nuts, or a kid gets hit, you are a moron and should never even look at a pinata again.

The best birthday party is a few friends over to have homemade cake. A few gifts from mom and dad. Sticky kids playing in the yard, being kids, and having fun. Now that sounds like a nice, fun, enjoyable day! I'll take that any day over foot odor skates, nasty pizza, scary rats, bowling shoes, and big credit card reciepts!


Smirking Cat said...

I'm assuming you recently attended a birthday party? :)

SomeOne said...

Nope. Just starting thinking about it, got irritated, decided to write!