What If?

It is a dreary, rainy day. The sun is trying hard, but having no success. The weather definitely adds to my nostalgic mood. I wouldn't normally be in this particular frame of mind, but after watching last night's episode of October Road, I am completely engulfed in memories from my youth.

The episode of the show was centered around a girl all the main male characters knew in elementary school. She was the first love of all the characters. She was cool. She was a bad ass. She could do everything the boys could do, and she did it with superb style. Her family moved a town or two over and the friendship was lost. The guys had read that their long lost friend had died in a car crash, and were planning to go to her funeral. Most of the show consisted of flashbacks of the things they all did together.

What is it that makes us want to relive our pasts? Is it all the "what if's" that we fantasize about? What if your first love would have been realized? What if you had been a better friend to someone? What if that other person hadn't run that stop sign? Maybe what draws us back to relive the past in our minds is simply the fact that that is the only place we can revist, change our past behavior, and alter the outcomes. What we must realize is our minds and the memories therein is also the place we can go to forgive ourselves and others. We can savor the good memories and move on from where we are now. I have some really bad memories. I also have some really good memories. Would I ever really want to go back, change my past, put myself in a different circumstance? A resounding, emphatic NO!

I am who I am because of the good and bad I have experienced, by my own choices, or the actions of others. I appreciate who I am and the people in my life right now. If I come to a point that I am not happy, I always have the choice to change my present and future. I am the only person with that power. I also know that I have to forgive myself for my mistakes, make better choices, and move on. What about all the "what if's"? Well, I think I will relish the good memories from time to time and leave the "what if's" behind where they belong.

Looky there! The sun just might make it after all! I think it's gonna be a bright new day! What if it isn't? Well, I'll be thankful for the rain and the memories of the sunny days past. I'll look forward to new sunny days in the future!